A Guide To Little Boys And Their Shenanigans
by CinderCiela
Summary: Fluff AU, a series of ridiculous oneshots. Ah, Touga, more commonly known as Inu no Taisho, is known for a lot of things. He's strong, wise, and brave, but, he's most known for being the father of the two most obnoxious little horrors to have ever walked the Western Lands! Join him as he tries to keep the castle from burning down! Or exploding, melting, spontaneously combusting...
1. Girly-boy

**Disclaimer: In a parallel universe, I own Inuyasha. But then again, if we're going off that logic, in another parallel universe, I _am_ Inuyasha. **

* * *

"Puffball!"

"Stupidhead!"

"Girly-boy!"

"Half-breed!"

"Hey! You've gone too far!"

"Hey! Owwwwww! Let go of my hair!"

"Then take it back!"

"Not on your _life_ _!_ "

"Well then I'm not letting go!"

"Owww! King Daddykins!"

Touga sighed. It was yet another one of his sons' pointless arguments. He was watching them with little interest. Currently, Inuyasha was holding Sesshomaru in a headlock and pulling his hair, and Sesshomaru was screaming in an obnoxiously feminine voice.

"Sess- er, Inuyasha, let your brother go." He told his youngest, which felt odd. It was usually Sesshomaru who was pulling Inuyasha's hair.

"But King Dad! He called me a half-breed!"

"That's what you are though, isn't it?" Touga asked Inuyasha, without a hint of malice.

Inuyasha looked at the floor. "Well, yeah, but-"

"No buts. Let him go."

And Inuyasha released Sesshomaru, who began to cough and hack dramatically as if he were dying. He eventually got up, smoothed out his hair and his mokomoko, and then left the room. But no before muttering: "Idiot."

"Oh yeah? Well... well you smell!" Was the oh-so-clever retaliation.

Touga groaned, and Sesshomaru turned back to his brother with a sneer. "Oh yeah? Smell like _what_ , exactly?!"

"Like... like..." Inuyasha sniffed the air, then his face looked funny for a moment, before his turned to Sesshomaru with a positively evil smile. "like Miss Kirimi's perfume."

Sesshomaru turned several shades of crimson. "I-I do _not_!"

"Yeah ya do~ Yeah ya do~, you girly-boy~!" Inuyasha doubled over in laughter, and Sesshomaru then grabbed his brother's hair. "Hey, hey! Leggo of me, you big-headed girly-boy!"

Well that only made Sesshomaru pull _harder_.

Curious about whether his eldest really did smell like Kirimi's perfume, he walked over to the dog-pile ( **Pun intended, thank you very much. kukuku** ) and sniffed Sesshomaru's hair. By Jo, it smelt like lilies in a field!

Sesshomaru turned to his dad. "What're you giving me that look for, King Daddykins?"

Touga thought about it for a moment. The overall gracefulness, the make-up, the ungodly large bow he tied his obi into, the whole 'King Daddykins' shebang, and now the perfume... the future King of the Western Lands really _was_ a girly-boy!

"You really are a girly-boy." Touga said out loud, not meaning to.

Sesshomaru crashed to the floor and buried his face in his hands, crying. "No one likes me! I'm going to be angsty and alone when I grow up with no one to talk to but a warty, ugly, frog! WAHH!"

Not wanting to get blamed for his son's sudden insecurities, he hightailed it out of there, leaving behind an angst-ridden Sesshomaru and a laughing Inuyasha.

* * *

 **This is OOC. I know. But who cares, it's fanfiction. Whoop-dee-doo.**

 **(Also, Kirimi is what I decided to name Sesshomaru's Ma. She's not an OC, or anything like that. I have deep-seeded hate for female OCs ;)**


	2. Of Birthday Balls and Dresses

**Disclaimer: Now, if I owned Inuyasha, then it would have yoai, yuri, and a wonderfully detailed depiction of Kagome's painful demise.**

* * *

"I think we should have lilies."

"No no, petunias would be much better."

Kirimi rolled her eyes. Working with Izayoi was like going to Hell and back. "I simply _must_ disagree."

Izayoi shook her head ferociously. "But lilies would clash with the decorations!"

"No, they would _complement_ them, not clash."

"Petunias would be better for this particular event. End of story."

"You _dare_ tell me...!"

Inuyasha and Sesshomaru sat on a blanket spread out on the grass, eating sweets, and watching their mothers quarrel. It was pretty similar to their own common fights, except minus the hair pulling, clawing, and wrastling.

Suddenly, Inuyasha had an evil idea. Positively _evil_. "Hey, Sesshomaru, wanna have a bet?"

His brother snapped out of his dazed state and turned to him with a smirk. "A bet? A bet on what?"

Inuyasha gestured to the _lovely_ ladies. "A bet on who wins this little argument right here. The _looser_ has to go to King Dad's Birthday Ball in a _dress_."

Sesshomau turned pink. Damn him! He knew about the girls kimonos in his closet! But he knew Izayoi was going to win this battle. She always did, as eventually the women would ask Touga of his opinion, and, seeing as Izayoi was his current favorite, he always chose what she wanted.

Inuyasha began to speak up. "Alright, if my Mom wins, then-"

"I bet on _your_ Mother!"

Inuyasha looked at Sesshomaru strangely. "Why are _you_ betting on _my_ Mom?"

Sesshomaru rolled his eyes. "Because she always wins, _duh_!"

Inuyasha starred at him blankly and blinked once, twice, then spoke. "I'm not going to King Dad's Ball in a dress."

Sesshomaru stood up and growled. "Well neither am I!"

"Uh, yeah you are."

"Ugh, I _knew_ it! I _knew_ that the whole bet was just a cover-up so you would get me to go in a dress!" Sesshomaru then sprang onto Inuyasha, clawing, biting, and strangling the younger boy.

Eventually the grew so loud and obnoxious that Kirimi and Izayoi turned to see what was going on. They saw the two brawling, and tried with all their might to pull them apart. Once they did, they interrogated the boys.

"Alright, now what's all this fuss about?" Kirimi huffed, not happy that the boys brawl had kept her from winning an argument with Izayoi.

Both boys pointed to one another and said in complete sync: "He tired to make me go to the Ball in a dress!"

Both Moms blinked, then smiled evilly at the boys. "Oh, don't worry, you can both wear a dress to your father's Ball~"

* * *

Several days later, both boys were in the Grand Ballroom, wearing girl's floral kimonos.

"I say, those are some mighty cute _girls_ you got there!" Ryuukotsusei taunted Touga, as the poor King sighed, drowning his embarrassment in sake.


	3. The Suicide Drink Stand

**Disclaimer: I don't know who made Inuyasha, but I currently have no plans of holding them at gunpoint and demanding the rights to it.**

* * *

 _'Suicide Drink For Sale'_ the sign read. Well, actually, it read more similarly to: _'Sooisid Drink Fr Sal'_ , but details, details. Touga stared at it for a minute or two, then at the two boys who were giving him terribly sweet smiles.

"Suicide drink, eh?" He said, starring at the pitcher full of a browning liquid with what looked like... tentacles? floating in it.

Seshomaru smiled. "Yup! 200 Yen a cup!"

Touga sputtered. "200 Yen? That's a little expensive for a single cup of, er... _suicide drink_."

Inuyasha shook his head. "It's not that expensive, King Dad, considering the fact that this stuff _really works_!"

Touga blinked. "And just what exactly is it supposed to _do_ , anyway?"

"It's called _suicide_ drink for a reason, King Daddykins!"

"...I see. So it's supposed to kill you?"

But Sesshomaru shook his head and told him, "No no no! If we went around selling drinks that killed people, Mother would give us a whooping!"

Inuyasha nodded and finished his brother's point. "Yeah! This drink won't kill you, but it tastes so bad it makes you go and kill yourself right away!"

Touga looked the boys up and down, and the up and down again. The both looked perfectly healthy and alive, so how did they know the drink had the wanted effect? "And exactly who did you test this drink on?"

Sesshomaru giggled like an innocent little girl. "My bestfriend Jaken, of course! It worked out beautifully! One sip and he went to hurl himself off the roof!"

Touga felt sorry for the poor little Kappa, but there were more pressing matters at hand. "And I don't suppose you want me to drink it, do you?"

Instead of getting the reaction he had hoped for, however, Inuyasha poured a cup of the mixture and thrust it at him. "Yup, we sure do!"

Touga took the cup and starred into the 'beverage'. Upon closer inspection, it appeared to contain spoilt milk chunks, expired meat, Ah-Un's droppings, and rotten eggs. And all of it floated around in a peculiar brown-ish liquid.

Touga turned back to facing the boys, and narrowed his eyes. His sons continued to smile at him, and he starred until those smiles faded into nothing less than cold fear. " _Not on your lives_." He said slowly, dropping the cup on the floor, it's sickening contents splashing all over his boots and pants. The boys took the hint, and hightailed it outta there.

Sesshomaru started to float, and poor Inuyasha was left behind to fend for himself as he ran as fast as his little legs would carry him. The both made it to safety, however, and the raging Inu no Taisho ran into none other than his first wife.

"Dear, what in Kami's name has gotten you so riled up?" Kirimi asked, not used to seeing her former lover so angry.

"Those punk little dipshits aren't inheriting _anything_! Not my land, not my title, not even a _sword_!" Touga screeched, mad at the whole world.

"Why made you decide that?"

"They tried to kill me!" He roared.

Kirimi, however, simply rolled her eyes. "I'm sure they did, dear... Now, if you'll excuse me, I have more important matters to attend to..."

"They did! I swear they did!" And poor, unbelieved Touga, chased after his wife, cursing her and Izayoi for bringing those boys into the world.

* * *

 **I know Inu no Taisho isn't a King, but this gives my a chance to use the whole 'King Dad' name, which comes from a different series entirely. It's pretty obscure, too. In fact, if anyone can tell me who calls their father 'King Dad', then you get to make me write whatever you want. Though I _highly_ doubt anyone will know...**


	4. The Swear Jar

**Disclaimer: I do in fact, own Inuyasha. The paperback manga, that is.**

 **Also, this chapter has a lot of swearing in it. But it's just silly, and nothing to get worked up over :)**

* * *

"When I grow up, I'm gonna be a warrior, and I'm gonna kill evil demons, and make lots of friends, and make enemies too, and marry two women, just like you, King Dad!"

Touga starred at Inuyasha, then smiled and humored him. "That's very nice, son." He told him.

Sesshomaru, however, sneered. "Yeah and you'll also kill Ryuukotsusei, hack off my left arm, and time travel. All kinda shit happens in dreams!"

It was that response that made Touga spit out his sake - all over Inuyasha, might I add - and stare at his son nervously. If Kirimi or Izayoi were to hear him...

"Just where did you learn to say _that_ , Sessho-chan?" Touga asked, laughing nervously.

Sesshomaru, however, flashed him the devil's smile and replied: "I heard _you_ say it, King Daddykins!"

Touga looked around, just to make sure neither eavesdropping wife was hiding in a corridor somewhere. "Well, could you maybe not say it again?"

"Which part? Dreams? Kinda? Shit?" When he saw his father's panicked reaction to the last word he spoke, he smiled evilly.

"SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. Inuyasha looked at him, slightly confused, and Touga's hands attempted to cover his son's mouth. Feeling sharp little puppy teeth on his ring finger, however, his arms retreated back to his sides.

Inuyasha finally realized what his old brother was doing, and joined in on the fun. "SHIT SHIT SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" He screeched.

The was going really bad really fast. Touga had to get out of there before one of his wives got here. He stood up and turned on his heel, unfortunately, running into Izayoi right behind him.

"What's going on in here?" She asked, sounding more than a little angry. She glared at the two boys, who had yet to cease their swearing. "Why do they keep saying that?"

Touga pretended to cough, and tried to slither out of his wife's way, but she grabbed him by the mokomoko and starred at him icily. "Where'd they learn to speak such foul language?"

Touga laughed nervously, then said, "Well, erm, Se-Sesshomaru _might_ have heard me say it _once_ when I was really angry..."

Izayoi's eyebrow twitched, then she turned to the boys. "Alright you two. I think it's time to invest in a swear jar."

That made the bows stop their obnoxious yelling and stare at the woman strangely. "A swear jar?"

Izayoi nodded. "Yes. You see, every time you say a swear word, like shit, you have to put something of yours in the jar! And Mommy gets to choose what you put in, too~!"

Sesshomaru and Inuyasha looked at each other, then turned back to Izayoi. "I'm not so sure I like this idea." Sesshomaru told her.

But Izayoi waved a knowing finger at them and said, "Well, it's either the swear jar, or I can wash your mouths out with soap every time you say a swear word~!"

And that was enough to put them in line. Any and all dogs that have ever existed hate soap. And this doesn't exclude dog-demons. They swallowed nervously at her suggestion, not wanting to imagine what that would be like.

"So boys, what'll it be?"

"The swear jar." They said in unison, the other fate being simply to terrible to go through.

"But wait, Miss Izayoi, how are we supposed to know which words are swear words?"

Izayoi smiled and walked over to Touga, whispering to him, "They're all yours, tiger~" Then she left.

Touga sighed, and thus began the long list of all the Izayoi and Kirimi considered 'swear words'

* * *

 **Have you ever had to through that? The whole soap thing, I mean. Or the swear jar, I guess. My family actually swears a lot, so they never cared if I did or didn't. Ironically, in real life my mouth's pretty clean xD**


	5. Beware The Swirly

**Disclaimer: dis-claim-er. Noun. A statement that denies something, especially responsibility.**

 **Also, I know they didn't have toilets, or even real bathrooms, back in feudal Japan. Every idiot knows that. But this idea was presented to me in the form of _Alvin & The Chipmunks 2_** **, which in no way takes place in feudal Japan. This is an AU afterall. But if the whole 'modern toilet' thing bothers you that much, well then just pretend this chapter takes place in the modern day.**

* * *

 _Bang!_

 _Slam!_

 _Crash!_

 _Thud!_

It was loud enough that the whole hallway could hear the moaning and banging as Inuyasha thrust himself into...

...the _bathroom door_.

"Ugggghhhhh." He moaned. "Sesshomaruuuuuuuuuu! You've been in the bathroom foreeeeeeeveeerrrrrr! How long does it take to put your stupid makeup on?"

Inuyasha stood outside the bathroom door, doing what some would call a little dance, as he waited for his incredibly vain, not to mention effeminate, brother to come out.

"Cork it, you! I'll have you know that applying eyeliner is a dangerous task! ( **A/N True tho! O.o** ) Plus, if you hafta pee so bad, why don'tchu use the bathroom upstairs?"

"No reason!" Inuyasha spat, not wanted to look stupid for telling Sesshomaru that this was the only bathroom they had where he could reach the sink.

Inuyasha heard a huff from inside the bathroom, then he found himself starring in the face of an irritated Sesshomaru. "Be quick about it." was spat in his face.

While Inuyasha's simple brain took a moment to register this imformation, as soon as it did, he burst into the bathroom, accidentally knocking makeup all over the floor.

"Hey! You made a mess of my stuff!" Sesshomaru shrieked at his brother. When Inuyasha seemed to ignore him, Sesshomaru jumped on him.

"Hey! Get off!"

"Make me!"

"No problem!" It was then that, in an incredibly bold move, Inuyasha grabbed Sesshomaru by a fistful of his brother's silky hair, and plunged his face into the toilet.

"Ghak!" The full demon sputtered, trying to pull his head out, but Inuyasha held him under. He held his breath with all his might, not only because of the toilet smell, but because he didn't want to drown, either.

He could imagine his funeral already...

 _It would be rainy and dreary, and everyone he hates would be gathered around his tombstone, calling him stupid and an idiot for dying via drowning in toilet water._

...no! It was simply too terrible a fate! He tried to heave his heavy head out of the round bowl once more, and was yet again pushed under by Inuyasha. If he didn't drown, he was going to kill his little brother... nomatter the consequence...

Inuyasha reached and reached, trying to get to the flusher handle without Sesshomaru escaping. Eventually he got it, and flushed the thing. He waited a moment, then two, then he got the reaction he had hoped for.

Sesshomaru's bubbly scream could be heard for a minute, then he pulled his head out of the toilet, gasping for air. He heaved, then wretched, the heaved, and wretched some more...

Then he turned to Inuyasha, hair dripping wet, eyes blood red...

and Inuyasha skee-daddled out of there faster than you can say Tessaiga, completely having forgotten his earlier need to pee.


	6. Of Swords And Sheathes

**Disclaimer: I like to spend my days being emo and angsting over the fact that Inuyasha doesn't belong to me.**

* * *

"Hey King Dad."

Touga groaned. How early was it? He was still sleeping, so why did Inuyasha have to come and bother him at this time of day? He was sure there could be nothing that Inuyasha would say to him that would make him think it a good reason to come and wake him up.

"Hey King Dad."

Touga finally heaved his heavy head up so he could see his son, and grunted.

"King Dad, can I ask you a question?"

Touga starred at his son with a look that could kill. "What." It was not an invitation for Inuyasha to speak what was on his mind.

"Um, where do babies come from?"

Aaaaaaaand he was up. He sprang from the bed and gave his son a look of horror. Oh no. Inuyasha was still too little. It wasn't time for _this_ yet! Where did he get off thinking that he could ask Touga something like this right now?!

"Wh-What makes you ask that, Inuyasha?" Touga sputtered, trying to remember what his father had told him. Something about gardens and birds and storks and bees...?

"Well, Sesshomaru said that he knows everything," _of course_. "and I kept asking him questions, and he knew all the answers, and then I asked him, 'well where do babies come from?' and he _didn't_ know the answer to that one, so then I pushed him down the stairs," he _pushed him down the stairs_. And why did he think that was okay...? "and I was still curious and I thought, 'well King Dad is a _genius_ so I'm sure he'll know' and that's why I'm here."

"Well, erm, babies come from..." Touga looked around the room, trying to find anything that would work as an analogy. Anything, anything at all... perfect!

"Ah!" He said. "Well you see, every woman has a sheathe inside of them, and every man has a sword-"

"I have a _sword_ inside of me?! Way cool! But, uh... where? I haven't seen it." Innocent-yasha said.

"You will eventually..." Touga replied. This was going bad, fast.

"And how can a sword make a baby? I thought swords are supposed to kill people."

"Well, there are lots of different kinds of swords!" Touga exclaimed. If he was lucky, he could go on and on about _real_ swords and drop the previous subject without Inuyasha noticing. "There are swords that revive people, swords that are like snakes, swords that throw people's demonic auras back at them..."

Inuyasha's eyes grew huge. "Wow, really? What kind of sword will you give me when I grow up?" He asked eagerly.

A wave of relief washed over Touga. He can avoid the previous subject for a few more years, it looked like. "You're getting the _cool_ sword, the Tessaiga!"

* * *

Many, _many_ years later, Sesshomaru starred at Bakusaiga in awe. Not quite as much awe, however, as Inuyasha.

"Wow, you found your sword! I still can't find mine. Hey, does that mean that you're gonna be a Dad? Go you!" Inuyasha uncharacteristically smiled and heartily patted Sesshomaru on the back as he recalled he and his father's conversation many, _many_ years ago.

Poor Sesshomaru, however, just starred at his brother with this horrified expression. "...What?!"


	7. Wedding Preperations

**Disclaimer: If Inuyasha was mine, Sesshomaru would be a woman, Kagome would be single, Inuyasha would be yandere, Kouga would be in a love triangle with Ginta and Hakkaku...**

 **Yes, this is a western style wedding... I'm sorry... T.T**

* * *

 _Seven Months Before Inuyasha's birth, two and a half weeks before Touga and Izayoi's wedding..._

"Oh, hell no! I refuse! I will most certainly _not_ be that wench's Maid Of Honor!"

Lady Kirimi's shrill scream rang out through the Western Castle. Touga chased after her, pleading with a desperate look on his face.

"Please? Izayoi wants the two of you to be friends, she won't have it any other way! You don't have to hate her just 'cause she'd human!" Touga begged his first wife, groveling at her feet.

Kirimi hissed. "Who cares if she's human! All that matters to me is that _you cheated_!"

She stormed off, leaving behind a very disappointed Touga. "Please, do it for her if not meeeeee!" He hollered after her.

"Hey King Daddykins!"

Touga turned to see his son - ya know, the one that's not currently in the womb - smirking at him evilly. Sesshomaru loved to see his father looking like an idiot. He giggled like an innocent little girl, and said, "You sure look stupid right now!"

It took all of Touga's might not to strangle his heir, as he had something to ask Sesshomaru as well. "I'm sure I do, son (Translation: Say that again and I'm disowning you)... Hey, actually, there's something I have to ask of you, too..."

So Touga asked.

Sesshomaru starred at his father with this weird, confused look on his face before screaming at the top of his lungs, "No! Not on your life! I am _not_ going to be a flowergirl!"

Sesshomaru stormed down the hall in a furry quite similar to his mother's, and Touga continued to sit there, defeated. He trudge back to his and Izayoi's room, somewhat afraid of telling his fiancé that his former lover and his firstborn wouldn't partake in the wedding.

Izayoi, however, was not entirely convinced that there was _nothing_ that would change their minds.

* * *

 _Two and a half weeks later..._

Kirimi stood proudly along with the other bridesmaids - all mortal Princesses, might I add - showing off the wonderful kimonos she had specially picked out, as she watched he son sprinkle flowers down the isle of people that had come to watch the two get married. Both had /fake/ smiles on their faces.

"You may now kiss the bride."

As Touga and Izayoi threw themselves in a very steamy makeout session right then and there, both Kirimi and Sesshomaru wretched in their mouths.

* * *

 **Gosh, I make fun of poor Sessh's masculinity in every chapter now, don't I?**


	8. Our Current Sleeping Situation

**First, I'd like to start this chapter by saying...** **Is no one going to review this?! Seriously! I could care less about Favs and Follows, but please review! Now, enough about that...**

 **Disclaimer: Hi, I don't own Inuyasha. Do you?**

 **Now, I highly doubt that Inu and Sess would've shared a room when the were little, what with Inu no Taisho having the whole Western Castle and all, but let's pretend that they did, shall we?**

* * *

"King Daaaaaaaaaad!"

"King Daddykiiiiiiiiins!"

Touga almost screamed when his two boys appeared out of seemingly nowhere and pushed the breakfast he was enjoying off the table. Sesshomaru's black eye and Inuyasha's bite marks suggested that they had been brawling not too long ago. And now, it was up to poor, unfortunate Touga to put an end to the fight.

"What is it, boys?" He asked, trying with all his might not to sound exhausted.

"I am _not_ going to keep sleeping in the same room as him! He snores like a pig!" Sesshomaru yelled, pointing an accusing finger at Inuyasha.

"Oh yeah?!" Inuyasha hissed. "Well you scream in your sleep! AAAHHHH!" Inuyasha screamed like his leg was being cut off.

"Argh, enough already!" Touga hollered over all the noise. He really didn't feel like dealing with this. Sure, there were other rooms, but that would mean more messy rooms that _he_ would have to clean, because those maidservants weren't to go near the young boys' things...

Touga shook his head, then shrieked at the boys, "Listen, you two are going to share a room, and you are going to _like_ it!"

"See what you've done?! Now you're stuck with me and my snoring!" Inuyasha yelled at Sesshomaru.

"It's not _my_ fault! You screamed at him!" Sesshomaru hollered back.

"I was only trying to sound like _you_!"

"Oh yeah?!"

"Yeah!"

Sesshomaru then jumped on Inuyasha, and the brawling began once again. Touga grabbed a bottle of sake and left the room, leaving the two boys to kill each other, for all he cared.

"Hey, ow! King Dad - ouch! - where are you - ow! - going?!" Inuyasha screamed after him.

Sesshomaru stood up. "Yeah! You don't know how annoying he is at night!"

"King Dad, you should try sleeping in the same room as him, and you'll know how obnoxious he is!"

Touga finally capitulated. "Alright. I'll sleep in your room tonight, and if I find out that you're both lying to get each other in trouble, your _both_ grounded!"

The two boys nodded their head in sync, smiling like innocent little girls.

* * *

That night, Touga lay on the floor in Inuyasha and Sesshomaru's room, completely unable to sleep.

Inuyasha snored obnoxiously, and mumbled strange things in his sleep. "Kagome...? And you're from the future? That's so weird..." He uttered.

Sesshomaru, on the other hand, was yelling and hollering in his sleep, and nothing that he was saying was making sense. "Die, Naraku! Arrrghhh!" He yelled.

Touga covered his sensitive ears, promising himself that he would give each boy their own room in the morning.


	9. That Time Of Month

**Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, but what I really want is to control it's fanbase** ** _!_** ***evil laugh* Then there wouldn't be any OCs or ridiculous pairings...** ** _!_**

* * *

"You look like a _real_ idiot right now."

Inuyasha simply sat, twitched, as Sesshomaru tugged on his silky black locks. He couldn't wrastle him in his current form, being a mere weak mortal, so simple insults would have to suffice for now.

"Oh yeah?! Well you look like a girl!"

Sesshomaru's eyes grew wide, but then with a shove to Inuyasha's head and a sneer, he replied, "Oh, you're mighty cocky for someone who's so weak!"

Inuyasha couldn't take it anymore. Sesshomaru had been making fun of him for the past hour and a half, and it was time to put a stop to it. He grabbed the nearest object tp him, which happened to be a flimsy practice wooden sword, and chucked it at Sesshomaru.

"Ow, hey!" Sesshomaru grabbed a bigger chunk of Inuyash's hair and pulled, _hard_.

"Owwwwwwwww! King Dad!" Inuyasha screamed.

Unfortunately for him, it was late at night, and Touga was busy sleeping. He didn't hear his son, so Inuyasha wailed even _louder_.

"KING DAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!"

"Shut up!" Sesshomaru yelled and let go of Inuyasha's hair to cover his tender ears. As soon as he did, though, Inuyasha stepped on his stomach, pinning him to the ground.

"Owwwwww!" Sesshomaru tried to scratch at Inuyasha's foot, and Inuyasha yelped in pain. However, he decided that maybe _sitting_ on Sesshomaru's stomach would be a more effective means of keeping him on the ground, rather than standing on him.

"Get - ow! _off_!"

* * *

Meanwhile, in Touga room, both he and Izayoi lie awake, listening to the screaming downstairs.

"What are the _doing_ up so late at night...?" Izayoi asked. She couldn't fathom why the two little boys stayed up during precious sleeping hours just so they could wrastle.

"It's _that_ time of month for Inuyasha." Touga replied, exhausted.

Izayoi gave him a weird look for a minute, before it finally clicked. "... _oooooh_."

Touga eventually heaved his tired body off out of the blankets, and he trudged downstairs to the boys' room. When he finally arrived at their door, however, all the noise had stopped.

Immediately, he was quite sure that his worst fears had come true. One of them had killed the other!

When he opened the door, he simply found that both boys were completely passed out, exhausted from wrastling. Touga, unbelievably tired as well, simply collapsed ontop of his sons, finally getting a good night's sleep.

* * *

 **My brother used to wrastle me, and he would always sit on my stomach. It hurt like no tomorrow.**


	10. Holes

**Thank you very much for reviewing! I feel honored that it's _my_ story, of all the stories, that can help people in hard times. Thank you so much for reading!**

 **Disclaimer: Every year, when I receive my birthday cake, and I'm blowing out the candles, I wish that I owned Inuyasha...**

 **Darnit, I'm running out of ideas. I'm not going to have to resort to fart jokes, am I?**

* * *

"Hah!"

 _*Shove*_

"Itai! You suck, Inuyasha!" Sesshomaru bellowed from the muddy hole he was pushed into. His hair was completely _ruined_! It was in tats, with clumps of mud holding said tats together. And it was all Inuyasha's fault! Oh, he was going to _pay_!

...Aaaaaas soon as Sesshomaru could find a way out of this hole.

It was certainly a very deep hole, with not many ways of climbing out. He supposed that maybe he could try and fly out of the hole, so he tried that. He concentrated with all his might on his will to fly, and... nothing. Looked like he hadn't quite mastered it yet.

He wanted to sit while he thought of other means of escape, but there was no way in hell that he was going to put his silk-clad butt down in that sloppy mud. No way at all.

He tried to think of other ways to get out, and finding none, he resorted to a tactic very much below him.

"Inuyasha! I'm sorry for all the mean things I've done! Please get me out of this whole!" Sesshomaru dramatically claimed.

Inuyasha peered down at his older and very muddy brother with sly eyes. "...No way."

Sesshomaru sighed. "Please? I'll be your footstool for a week?"

Inuyasha practically spat in his face. "Pssh! Yeah right! Bon Voyage, mud-face."

And Inuyasha started to walk away from a screaming Sesshomaru, laughing like there was no tomorrow.

* * *

 _*Cue SpongeBob Narrator Guy saying 'Several Hours Later'*_

Sesshomaru sat in his muddy hole, no longer caring if his silky kimono got dirty, seeing as the rest of him already was.

"Inuyasha?" He called. "King Dad? Izayoi? Mother?" No response. "Anyooooooone?"

* * *

Meanwhile, everyone else was inside, enjoying an exceptionally delicious dinner.

"Wow, it's so quiet tonight! Where's the screaming? Where's the raw meat flying across the table? Why, this is certainly the nicest dinner I've ever endured!" Kirimi laughed, Izayoi and Touga joining in.

"I wonder where Sesshomaru is..."

* * *

"Anyoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooone?"


	11. Let's Potty

**Disclaimer:** ** _*To the tune of 'My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean'*_** **  
Inu-yasha lies over the ocean,  
Inu-yasha lies over the sea,  
Inu-yasha lies over in Ja-pan,  
So how could it be-long to me~?**

 **Well, that was completely and totally unnecessary. This chapter has somewhat crude humor in it, so if you don't like that kinda thing, don't read.**

* * *

To say that Lady Kirimi was mad, would be an understatement.

Lady Kirimi was _fuming_.

On her best kimono, one made of the finest faerie dust then had intricate designs of flowers and small jewels woven into the silk of the obi, there was a _stain_. And it was not just any stain, either. It wasn't where Touga sloshed his sake on it, or where Izayoi spilled spices, or even when baby Sesshomaru spit-up on it. No. It was a _pee stain_. The kind that a dog that liked to hike up their leg and pee standing up would leave.

"SESSHOMARU!"

Kirimi knew that he son would be the only one to blame for this. Even if it wasn't his fault, she was going to blame him anyway.

The pup raced downstairs, then saw the look of anger on his mother's face, and attempted to race back up the stairs. Unfortunately for him, Kirimi grabbed him by the mokomoko and yanked him towards her.

"WHAT IS THIS?!" Kirimi pointed to the stain on her kimono. Of course, she knew very well what it was, so it was more like she was asking 'WHY DID YOU DO THIS?!'.

Sesshomaru shuffled his feet nervously. "Er... a stain?"

Kirimi's eyes looked insane. "Yes, I know it a stain. A _pee_ stain. I thought you had grown out of your puppy behavior, so why did you pee on my kimono?"

Sesshomaru hmph-ed. "It wasn't me! I swear! It was Inuyasha!"

Kirimi was thrown for a loop. "...Inuyasha? Why would he pee on my kimono?"

Sesshomaru put his hands on his hips. " _King Daddykins_ is potty-training 'im."

Kirimi's eyes when wide. "Your father is trying to _potty-train_?" She knew _personally_ that Touga liked to relieve himself like a wild dog.

"Yup!"

Kirimi rolled up her sleeves, and stormed up the stairs angrily. "Oh, I show _him_ potty-taining!"

* * *

Several weeks later, poor Inuyasha was still stuck with Kirimi.

"But whyyyyyyy? Why do I have to go on _paper_?"

Kirimi wriggled her manicured finger at him. "Because, good little boys don't pee on people's finest kimonos~!"

Inuyasha hmph-ed. His stepmother simply _loved_ to hold grudges. "I already told 'ya, I didn't mean to!"

"Well, it's too late for that now! Now pee!"

Inuyasha keh-ed, then did as he was told.

* * *

"How," Izayoi asked, starring at Kirimi with saucer eyes. "did you manage to potty-train him so quickly? I've been trying to get him to stop peeing on stuff for _years_!"

Kirimi simply smirked. "It's amazing how a little fear can speed up the process."


	12. Watch Me Whip

**Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, because I don't** ** _do_** **Shounen.**

* * *

"...and you simply flick your wrist, like so."

Sesshomaru watched in awe as his mother flawlessly sliced a marble statue of his father in half using her poison whip. Sesshomaru favored his combat training with his mother compared to training with his father, mostly because he didn't have to train with Inuyasha.

"Now you try it." Kirimi told her son, gesturing to the abused statue.

Sesshomaru threw his arm, sending the green whip crashing towards an innocent castle gardener.

"Ghack!" The servant screamed as it's head was cut clean from it's body.

"Whoops." Sesshomaru muttered. Kirimi glared at him.

With a sigh, she turned towards Sesshomaru and attempted to explain to him (for the fifth time) how to use said whip. "You have to be focused on your target! Nothing else matters but chopping your father's winkie off!" She pointed to the statue.

"...Chopping his winkie off...?" Sesshomaru didn't even want to know what she meant by that.

Swinging his arm again, the whip wrapped itself around the gold statue, and got itself into a tangled mess. "Arrgh!" Sesshomaru growled, trying to pull the appendage free. Unfortunately, instead of ended up pulling the broken statue off of it's pedestal.

Kirimi put a hand to her forehead, and began counting to ten.

As Sesshomaru tried to tug the whip free, he suddenly heard a sound from behind him the would ruin any day.

"Sesshomaru!" Inuyasha called, chipper as ever. "Guess what King Dad just taught me to - Omigawd!"

Out of anger, frustration and annoyance, Sesshomaru swung the whip, as well as the statue it was attached to, toward his little brother. Inuyasha screamed at the top of his lungs, running into the castle for cover. The statue of his father got smashed into the ground, and Inuyasha watched the whole scene quite fearfully.

"Hey! Sesshomaru! Where do you get of, thinking that you can just throw huge, heavy objects at me and get away with it?!" Inuyasha yelled at his brother.

By now Sesshomaru's hand hurt like hell, what with the whip being attached to it and all, and picking up large heavy statues and throwing them around made his fingers feel like they were being torn off.

Inuyasha walked up to the remaining piece of the statue, and rather stupidly attacked it out of anger. "Iron Reaper Soul Stealer!" He shrieked, making the statue explode, and freeing his brother's whip.

With his whip now being free, Sesshomaru retracted the appendage and focused everything on Inuyasha. "Focus on your target..." He muttered to himself.

He then sent the whip flying towards Inuyasha, only to have the Hanyou block it with his 'Iron Reaper Soul Stealer'.

"Hey! You can't just block it like that! Where do you get off?!" The older sibling yelled, but Inuyasha simply walked away.

"This is so stupid." The Hanyou muttered. "Maybe King Dad'll teach me how to use Tessaiga..."

"Hey! Don't walk away from me, you unbelievable ass!" Sesshomaru screamed at his little brother, only to be bopped on the head, _hard_ , by Kirimi for swearing.


End file.
